Saturday, June 06, 2009

Raising awareness.

Whenever people ask me if I have any pet peeves, my standard answer is "People who commit apostrophe abuse." It's a pretty good way to see if this person and I are destined to be BFFs, good friends, casual acquaintances, mortal enemies or "let's-just-pretend-this-introduction-never-happeneds" based on their respective responses:

BFFs: "I KNOW! I can't stand the villains! (falls into sobs at the thought of the poor, bruised bodies of abused apostrophes) Oh, the humanity!"*
Good friends: "Yes. Why can't people just learn that apostrophes do not make things plural?"**
Casual acquaintances: "Um... Okay."
Mortal enemies: "Thats stupid. When a book gets it's apostrophe's wrong its the best thing ever. How are you're celery stalk's?"
LJPTINHs: "What is an apostrophe?"

So now that you all know exactly where you stand in my regard (or why I never answer your calls or emails, etc.), I would also like to give you the solution. I know you're all just dying to be BFFs with me. And once you get the proper help for your condition, I'd be more than happy to hang out sometime. Call me when you're ready. Or if you need a sponsor. Or, you know, if you just feel like calling. Whatever.

*Actually, if someone ever did give me this response, I have to be honest and say I'd probably just smile, nod and back away verrry slowly.
**Except in very, very special situations, like the tag for this post.


Lauren said...

Hi Ellie,

Thanks very much for your vote of confidence above, I appreciate it. Glad to hear someone else is fighting the good fight.

Mylorac said...

Awesome! That website you linked might be a great teaching tool in the fall!
Also, it makes me feel better - my apostrophe awareness has been continually rising over the last several months as I realize the longer I go without an English class, the more I forget.
I might be a nerd, but at least I use proper grammar and punctuation! (If only I could stop using parenthetical comments or putting one idea in the middle of another using dashes... I've got to work on my organizational skills!)

OK, thanks again, for reminding me that I am a nerd. :)

Erin Taylor said...

Like people who use text talk in their everyday writing, like the term "BFF"? hee hee hee LOL.... ok, just kidding. I HATE text talk!

Katie E. Young said...

This was my favorite:
3. For the greater good of mankind, decide to take action - It will not only restore your sanity - but mine too. Oh thank heaven.
It resonated.

Matt said...

This post should be required reading prior to posting a classified ad on the Internet. You might even create an additional post that could shed some light on the myth that people actually have items "for sell," or a vehicle that "run's good," or, as I saw recently, "run's grat." Finally, please share with your dear readers that if they or any of their associates are having trouble locating or operating the SHIFT key, I would be happy to provide assistance. Thank you for your great public service.