On Cotton Candy, the Paranormal, and My Evil Inner Editor.

I've admitted before that I enjoy the Twilight books. I don't feel too bad about this because I enjoy them for what they are and have no illusions about their literary merit.

I think of them as the book equivalent of cotton candy.

Cotton candy is awesome. It's fluffy, it's pink, it has no nutritional merit, it's fun to eat, and it reminds you of going to the amusement park with your first crush and awkwardly holding hands on the SkyRide.

You wouldn't (or shouldn't) eat it for breakfast.

You wouldn't (or shouldn't) have it as your staple food source.

But you would (and should) enjoy it on vacation days and at parties and other times when you don't want to and don't have to be a responsible grown-up who worries about things like laundry and taxes.

(Confession: the first leisure reading I did after law school graduation was the Twilight saga. Talk about cleansing your mental palate! No brain required, just fun.)

Twilight is not Pulitzer Prize material. (Yeah, I experience a nearly physical revulsion when people say this and are in earnest.) Twilight should not be the only thing you ever read. ("May I recommend a greater allowance of prose in your diet?") Twilight is not a shining example of character development or a model for how to lead a long and happy life. (Yeah, as much as I enjoy the books, it is in spite, and not because, of Bella Swan.)

I have a limited supply of patience with people who insist that the books of the Twilight saga are the Greatest. Books. Ever. Written. and that is INCLUDING Shakespeare and the Bible! Yeah, they're not. They're fun, yes. But great? No.

Stephenie Meyer is not a good writer. She is a good storyteller—she makes you want to know what happens next. But she does a less-than-adequate job of telling you about it.

And my Evil Inner Editor has a problem with this. I squirmed for most of New Moon when all the em-dashes—of which Ms. Meyer is particularly fond (and who can blame her? They're an awesome piece of punctuation)—had spaces around them. I twitched at the misspellings. I wriggled uncomfortably at the unwieldy prose. And I positively writhed in frustration after about the twelfth mention of molten-liquid-gold-topaz-smoldering-chiseled-muscles-eyes-angel-can't-breathe. Which occurred, I believe, on about the fourth page after Edward makes his entrance.

So I felt like I'd finally found what I'd been looking for when the amazing Booklicious posted a link to Reasoning with Vampires. The author of RwV has taken upon herself the task of editing the Twilight Saga. While I definitely don't hate the books like the author does, my Evil Inner Editor has been jumping up and down inside of my head yelling in triumphant vindication while my actual self has been laughing. A lot. It's absolutely worth taking a look at if you are 1) a reasonable Twilight fan, 2) a Twilight hater, 3) an editor, or 4) someone who like hilarious things.

But you don't have to take my word for it.




I know a lot of people, including fans of the series, were also furious when the last book ended happily. "It doesn't reflect real life," they said. "She just gets everything she wants with no consequences!" This didn't bother me for a couple of reasons:

1) I *like* happy endings, especially in my escapist fiction;

2) Um, it's about VAMPIRES and WEREWOLVES and you are worried about it not reflecting reality? and

3) When I eat cotton candy, I don't want it to come with a bunch of depressing life lessons attached. It's cotton candy. If I wanted nutrition, I would eat brussel sprouts (which are tasty, but not good for taking on the SkyRide).

Brief Book Review: The Tenant of Wildfell Hall

I have had a request for more book reviews, so here's a quickie one for another late evening.

My book club just finished reading The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Brontë. Here are a few of my thoughts. (I apologize in advance that these thoughts do not form a coherent review.)

*I was surprised that the titular tenant is, in fact, a woman. Having heard the title of this book for some years without knowing anything of what it was about, I had always envisioned said tenant as being male for some reason. Male and brooding and probably much too old for the heroine. Not sure why.

*Oh, wait, yes I am sure why. See: the author's last name.

*I was also surprised how much I enjoyed this book given the amount of time I spent being annoyed with the two main characters.

*Seriously, not since Edmund of Mansfield Park have I wanted to slap a character upside the head so badly. This is including Katniss Everdeen, folks. (And they're supposed to be the good guys!)

*I do not include Bella Swan on that list because that goes WAYYY beyond needing a slap upside the head.

*But no, if I had been reading Tenant in paperback form instead of on my Kindle, the antics of Gilbert and Helen would have merited a session of throwing the book against the wall in disgust. (Literary characters take note: putting your fingers in your ears and saying "Lalalalalala I can't HEAR you!" is NOT an effective coping mechanism.)

*Don't worry. The bad guys need a slap upside the head, too. But you expect that in a novel.

*Brontë sisters take note: NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS WEIRD AND BEYOND DEPRESSING. You need to get away from those moors, yo. And I'm not talking about Othello. Or a place to tie boats.

*I'm pretty sure Anne didn't quite know how to end the book because her characters kept being stupid and not cooperating to come to some sort of resolution for the story. (See: slap upside the head.) So she had to end the story by sheer force of will, and it kind of shows. We're not quite into deus ex machina territory here, but I bet if you'd made Anne spend one more week writing this book it would have come to that.

*Literary characters take another note: Hitting someone over the head, knocking them off their horse and leaving him on the side of the road in the rain when they (understandably) refuse your offer of assistance (remember, you're the reason they need assistance in the first place) is also NOT an effective coping mechanism. Hanging out with people who do this is also a bad plan. (Victorian heroines, are you listening?)

*Brontë sisters take note again: Seriously, have you NEVER met a normal happy couple? Wow.

*Book club members take note: This was a lot of fun. Have I mentioned how much I like you folks?

To sum up: I liked this book but it was not my favorite Brontë book ever (Jane Eyre), nor do I think it is the best-written of the Brontë books (I have to admit that award goes to Wuthering Heights, as weird and depressing as it is). But definitely worth picking up; once you start reading it you want to keep reading it until the end.



I know you're probably sick of me mentioning what day we've reached in my NaBloPoMo blogging streak. But being able to give myself a virtual high-five everyday like this is what has gotten me to day 15 (halfway there!); it's kind of like the little pick-me-up you get when you cross an item off your to-do list.

Wow.

Yup.

Just finished Breaking Dawn.

Way to go, Steph.

Not only did you do an amazing job of tying off the massive amounts of loose ends left over from the first three books, along with taking a HUGE step forward in bringing your writing skills closer up to the level of your storytelling capabilities, but you've also achieved what I thought was a complete impossibility.

You've finally made me like -- and maybe even love -- your main character.

And I loved every minute of it.

Thank you.