Saturday, June 20, 2009

An orphan, but not often.

I am sitting at a desk in my sister's old room in my parents' house as I write this. I'm camping out here overnight even though my parents and sisters are out of town, since Shallow Man is flying back into town on an 11:35 p.m. flight and who wants to drive another hour to get home at that point in time?

Not me!

I've been an orphan for the last few days while Shallow Man was out of town, and feeling a bit neglected because my sister pointed out that none of my family loves me. Well, not in so many words. What she SAID was, "Did you know you're the only family member who's not going on vacation this weekend?"

Yeah, they've all abandoned me. Shallow Man was in DC for an interview (and coming back late tonight as aforementioned), the parents and my two younger sisters are at Mount Rushmore (hence the empty house), my brother and his wife and son went camping, and my other sister and her husband and son are visiting her in-laws.

And I'm here (i.e., not on vacation).

I ask you, where's the love?

Oh, well. At least I have the house to myself, and I only promised not to burn anything important...

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Raising awareness.

Whenever people ask me if I have any pet peeves, my standard answer is "People who commit apostrophe abuse." It's a pretty good way to see if this person and I are destined to be BFFs, good friends, casual acquaintances, mortal enemies or "let's-just-pretend-this-introduction-never-happeneds" based on their respective responses:

BFFs: "I KNOW! I can't stand the villains! (falls into sobs at the thought of the poor, bruised bodies of abused apostrophes) Oh, the humanity!"*
Good friends: "Yes. Why can't people just learn that apostrophes do not make things plural?"**
Casual acquaintances: "Um... Okay."
Mortal enemies: "Thats stupid. When a book gets it's apostrophe's wrong its the best thing ever. How are you're celery stalk's?"
LJPTINHs: "What is an apostrophe?"

So now that you all know exactly where you stand in my regard (or why I never answer your calls or emails, etc.), I would also like to give you the solution. I know you're all just dying to be BFFs with me. And once you get the proper help for your condition, I'd be more than happy to hang out sometime. Call me when you're ready. Or if you need a sponsor. Or, you know, if you just feel like calling. Whatever.

*Actually, if someone ever did give me this response, I have to be honest and say I'd probably just smile, nod and back away verrry slowly.
**Except in very, very special situations, like the tag for this post.